6 hacks to make your parenting life easier

Being a parent is lovely and rewarding on so many levels. But also unbelievably tiring (especially if you have ones that want to party all night long like my two!) and on occasion stressful and/or chaotic... So here are 6 tips that will either make things quicker (always a bonus when you've hit that tiredness wall), easier (who doesn't love an easier option?!) or may just come in handy at some random moment...

Inco pad over and under sheet

We all know the awful torture of sleep deprivation. Well this trick can save valuable minutes in the middle of the night. Priceless. When making the cot bed do the following: inco pad on mattress, sheet on top, then another inco pad and lastly a final sheet. Now the next time your baby has a big urine/vomit/any other bodily fluid spill you just whip off the top sheet and inco pad and hey presto, the bed is already clean and dry so you can just pop your baby straight back in bed :)

Can you spot the inco pad?

Clothes pegs

An essential thing to keep in your nappy bag. Always carry at least 4 and then teamed with a muslin/blanket/jacket/jumper (delete as appropriate depending how desperate/organised you are!) you have an instant buggy blackout blind.

D's first bus trip aged 1 week. Nicely sleeping thanks to the pegs :)

Socks as gloves 

Have you ever tried to keep gloves on your baby's hands? If you're not a parent then you won't even be able to guess at the complexity of this process! I actually learnt this trick by modifying how we secure cannulas in babies at work. Next time you want to keep your baby's hands warm just pop a pair of their socks over them. Guaranteed to stay on. Perfect.

Reindeer socks at Christmas...

Snug as a bug in a rug

Iron for laminating pouches

Ever really wanted to laminate something but not had access to a laminating machine? Story of my life. Laminating stuff is great - you can make playdoh mats, whiteboard pictures, sensory bags, sun catchers... The possibilities are endless. And totally within your reach, even without a laminator. Just use an iron (or hair straighteners) and run it gently over the surface (cover with thin cloth first so no direct contact between iron and plastic) until plastic sides are bonded. Amazing. And Poundland sell packs of A4 laminating pouches so no excuses :)

Dry erase "trace-the-line"

Muslins

Always have at least one on you at all times. They can pretty much be used for anything. The very obvious like wiping noses and catching vomit. The pretty obvious like creating a sunscreen for the buggy or acting as a breastfeeding cover. The slightly obscure like fashioning a new outfit (or even nappy when desperate) when out and about with no spare clothes... And the more obscure like straining your cheese with when making sugar-free baby-safe frosting (just wash it first!!). Has anything else in the history of the world had so many uses? I don't think so!

Why have one when you can have a WHOLE PILE?!

Hmmm the one occasion where a muslin let me down... she's supposed to be swaddled!

Vapour rub on your boob

Sounds weird? But a real life-changer if your breastfed baby has a cold. Get a baby-safe vapour rub like "Snufflebabes" and rub some on the upper outer quadrant of the breast you're about to feed from (ie near where your baby's nose is about to sit). Then relax as your baby's nose gently clears whilst he feeds himself into a nice deep dreamy sleep...

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Have you got any parenting hacks? Anything that made your life (or your kid's) much easier? Please share!

A tale of two babies

Or why following Gina Ford is pointless...

  

People say each baby is different. And then there's the whole nature vs nurture debate. Well the proof is in the pudding (or the baby in this case) and my family is living proof - it's all down to the baby. 

"I don't want to take after you!"

So whatever parenting strategy you are stressing about employing this week... Don't worry. Relax. Your baby will do whatever they were going to do regardless :)

 

"Sshhhh listen, don't tell them but this is how it's done..."

Breastfeeding

D had a nightmare establishing breastfeeding due to undiagnosed tongue tie (read about it here) and was a super scrawny baby as a result, falling across 3 centiles. Iz is a little chuffalump with no problems feeding, latched on in the delivery room and is already over 7kg at 3 months! 

Same age, same feeding strategy... look at the difference!

D always fed every 2-3 hours, including through the night, right up til he was weaned and was perfectly happy to "snack" anytime boob was offered. Iz actually refuses boob if she's not hungry and prefers to feed 4 hourly. She's even gone 10 hours overnight without a feed already.

D's feeds lasted hours. And hours. Iz sometimes takes her time but other days will happily feed for 5 minutes every 4 hours and get enough from that.

Sleeping

D liked sleeping on his side, Iz prefers her back. D had to be kept swaddled til he was 5 months as he just couldn't sleep without it. Iz already regularly breaks free from hers and still continues sleeping.

"I want to break freeeeee"

And as for that elusive sleeping-through-the-night? As I said above, D woke regularly for feeds all through the night until he was fully weaned and aged 2 still wakes at least once or twice each night for a drink of water. That section in his baby book asking "date I first slept through the night"...? Yep, still blank! Iz on the other hand has already slept 10pm-7am on several occasions. I'm not saying she's perfect at all (last night for example she was up til 5am) but for my 3 month old to do that? I'm impressed :)

Temperament

I think this one is tricky as D had 100% undivided attention from me whereas Iz has to compete for it. But D (from memory) had a much more "even" mood - he was always pretty smiley. Iz on the other hand can do the most heart-crumblingly sad bottom lip tremor and the most heart-piercing screaming. But also has the best baby chuckle ever. Maybe a boy/girl thing? Am I allowed to think that, let alone say it?! Or a first/second child thing? Who knows.

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Could any two babies be more different? I don't think so! So what are their similarities?

They both model leg warmers well:

They both look cute in the same PJs:

And they do both have crazy big heads. But at least they had the decency to grow from the 50th to > 99th centile *after* birth... ;)

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So you may wonder what I did differently second time round. What things did I change to try and improve on last time? To be brutally honest, nothing. For all the sleepless nights I think Doof is pretty perfect and I wouldn't change anything about him. So with Iz we employed the exact same wing-it-with-no-routine style of parenting, offered her boob whenever I (or she) felt like it, fed her to sleep, used babywearing if she wouldn't sleep in her cot etc etc etc. All those *awful* props you get told will break your baby... Yet still she slept through at 3 months.

We'll have to see what happens about weaning (Doof was ace at it) and nursery settling (not D's strongest point initially although he loves it now...). 

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So what's the moral?

If you followed Gina Ford and your baby slept through from 2 days old, don't be too smug... It was probably due to your baby, not Gina.

 

Which will you get? Luck of the draw...

And if your baby/toddler/child has *never* slept through the night (ahem, not looking at anyone Doofy...) then don't despair. Your second child may be a whole different (nicer!) ball game... (thanks Iz!).

Little cuties :)

Top ten essentials for life with a baby

I meant to write this when D was more "baby" than toddler. But life happens, combination of work and D distracted me... But here it is, better late than never, my top 10 essentials for a baby*:

* which I stand by now having a new baby again!

(In no particular order)

1. Blackout blind

The holy grail of getting your baby to sleep longer (apparently). We don't have an actual "blind" - more a concoction of black cardboard pieces taped to the window and a dark blanket over the top... But it makes the room dark so at least D knows its bedtime. 

2. Carrier 

I think a baby carrier is one if the most essential things. Especially if you live somewhere like London and want a social life that doesn't always involve "accessible" routes. A carrier leaves both your hands free, means baby gets nice snuggsies and you can access anywhere you want.

Personally I L.O.V.E my ergo. I could go on and on and on about how much I love it (apart from this minor downside). But if I did that we'd never get to my next 8 essentials so I'll be brief... Basically I hate baby bjorn carriers. With a passion. They are bad for babies hips, make them dangle by their crotch (oww who wants that?!) and can lead to overstimulation. But the ergo... Oh it is great. So comfy, no backache even after wearing it for hours. Baby falls asleep within seconds of going in it. Toddler can be back carried in it. Has useful pocket for my phone :) what's not to love?

Look how cosy I am :)

3. Giant muslins

Everyone loves muslins. Well giant muslins are just *that* bit better. They have a million uses - for swaddling, as a blanket, a blackout cover in the buggy, a breastfeeding cover, vomit mopper-up, etc. The uses are endless. We've even used ours as a whole body cover when there was a super poonami and we had no spare clothes with us... and draped over a hospital cot to try and darken the super-bright room so D could get some sleep. I always carry at least one with me at all times :)

Use as a light blanket, swaddle, or to cover your hospital cot!

 

4. Video monitor 

So useful to know if the moaning baby is settling to sleep or building up to a crescendo scream. And to see if the toddler is lying down or galavanting around his cot. Or for peace of mind when you hear a little noise and aren't sure what it was. I wouldn't go back to a non-video monitor ever.

So cute when they're sleeping....

5. Giant playmat

Everyone has the little square playmats but why settle for that? D outgrew his pretty quickly and as soon as they're able to roll it only takes 2 or 3 turns for them to be off the mat and on the floor... Our giant playmat (about 1x1.5m) is great - room for even toddlers to sit and play (or all 6 babies at our NCT reunion!). Iz can roll and roll to her heart's content and still stay on the padded area :)

I love my giant playmat!

6. Lion mobile (or equivalent)

Ok so this is a specific example of a general "group" of items. We had a lion that clipped onto D's buggy and when you pulled it at the bottom it played a tune for about 60 seconds. D quickly associated it with falling asleep when in his buggy and so anytime he needed to sleep on-the-go all we needed was the lion. Fingers crossed it has same effect on Iz!

He's clutching the lion mobile in his right hand after it had it's desired sleep-inducing effect

7. Ewan sheep

A lifesaver when you want baby to go/stay asleep but don't want to have to stand there saying "sshhhh sshhhh sshhhh" for hours on end...

Ewan - also good for wrestling...

8. Sleeping bags  

Never have to worry about blankets riding up and covering their face? A deterrent to them being able to climb out if their cot? An extra layer to stop them scratching their eczema-affected knees? Win. Win. Win.

9. Clothes pegs

No one will tell you this as a new parent but invest in clothes pegs. Always have at least 3 on your person at all times. Then when your precious darling falls asleep (finally!) in the pram/buggy you can rig up one of your giant muslins (see above) and you have a way of securing it strategically so baby stays shaded and in darkness with no risk of dislodgement or being blown off into oncoming traffic (this may or may not have happened to me...). Hello baby nap time and mummy coffee time :)

Clothes pegs = staple

10. Inco pads

You know the ones? You probably had them under your sheets as the end of pregnancy approached in case your waters broke one night? These are great as on-the-go nappy changing mats. And when a bit of poop gets on them --> bin it. When D had a vomiting bug we lined his buggy with them so he could still go out but there would be no horrific cleanup if the worst happened... Very light and portable with a million uses.

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So what do you think? 

Did you have all these? 

Or did you have a different "top 10" list?

An honest post about tongue tie

I've had so many people asking about this I thought I'd blog about it - and if this post helps just one person avoid the 7 awful weeks I had then I'm happy!

D (my first baby) had posterior tongue tie. It's only looking back now I have another (not tongue tied) baby that I can say with certainty what I can attribute to TT rather than "just being a first time mum" (I heard that line A LOT and it annoyed me then but now it annoys me even more that they were fobbing off a genuine problem as me being inexperienced). 

My lovely little man

I said this would be an honest post and here is the first confession. I have never had any training about tongue tie as a doctor. And to be honest before D was born I had a similar opinion to most doctors I know - that every parent seemed to think their baby had TT when usually they just needed more help to establish breastfeeding...

So what happened with us?

I could waffle for pages about the ins and outs of the first 6 weeks so for your sanity I have also précised it in a Summary/Bottom Line" at the end so you can just skip to there if you want :)

After birth D could not/would not/was not interested in latching. We were in hospital for 3 days and every feed was a huge battle. He couldn't get on and if, by some miracle, he did latch on he quickly 'slipped' off. He didn't seem able to keep his mouth open for long so you had a brief nanosecond to get the boob in before he clamped down with a vice-like grip (nothing like that baby in all the leaflets who just hangs around with his mouth open waiting for the photo to be taken...). Each feed was incredibly painful. I think every single midwife on the ward tried to help but nearly all of them gave up after a few minutes saying "oh he just needs to practise, it'll get better". I saw a "feeding specialist" twice and I was encouraged to hand express every 3 hours and then feed D the colostrum by syringe. I went home after 3 days but we hasn't really "established" feeding. I could just about keep him on long enough to get just about enough milk in him (so he wasn't dehydrated) but he never latched well, it always hurt and his poop was always green so he was getting way too much foremilk and not enough of the fatty hind stuff :(

This is NOT D. D could never have done this :( (nor is it me!!)

[above image from http://www.leicspart.nhs.uk/_OurServicesAZ-BreastfeedingandInfantFeedingsupport-HowdoIbreastfeed-Howtoachieveagoodlatch.aspx]

Looking back now I realise D was constantly hungry. He wanted to feed all day every day but the unbearable pain meant I just couldn't face doing it more than 3 hourly. And each feed took at least an hour. I used to cry in anticipation of a feed. I cried during the feed. And I'd cry afterwards as the pain continued for about 30 minutes post-feed due to vasospasm (not helped by him being a winter baby!).

I first saw a lactation consultant at 2 weeks, just after I got out of hospital (post mastitis bout number 1). She was amazing. Except for the bit when she said feed D whenever he looks hungry... that was so hard to do because of the pain. She suspected posterior TT but wasn't an expert so referred me to someone else. 

At this point I was in two minds. I felt something was wrong and that breastfeeding shouldn't be this hard or no one would do it! But I was naturally dubious about TT and also had my midwife and health visitor telling me it was normal to have this much pain and maybe I just had a lower pain threshold than other people... Anyway I saw the "specialist" who said he did have TT but his function was good so it probably shouldn't impact him. She offered to snip it if I wanted but said it wasn't necessary. I (obviously in my mind!) said no thanks then, if there's no need then please don't do it!

But then followed 4 more horrific weeks of pain after pain after pain. I was in agony. Even my bra touching me hurt. I was prescribed treatment for thrush as that can cause agonising pain. D wasn't gaining weight, only just going past his birth weight by 4 weeks, and by 6 weeks had fallen across 3 centiles. Breastfeeding was dominating our lives but not in a good way. And then I got mastitis again. Even more pain. Having to express every 2-3 hours - even at night, even when D was sleeping. I was exhausted. I was miserable.  I wondered why I was so bad at breastfeeding. I was at my wits end.

Super scrawny Doof. I didn't realise quite how thin his arms and legs were until I now see how "well-padded" his little sis is at the same age!!

 

So I saw the lovely lactation consultant again. She still thought there was TT and so referred me to someone else. This person, to be fair, had the benefit of seeing what had happened over the last 6 weeks - but she instantly said "posterior TT" and advised snipping it. 

The snip

D was about 7 weeks old. They swaddled him and then snipped the tie. Then unswaddled him and gave him to me for a breastfeed. That was it. He probably cried for 10-15 seconds max. 

But even that first feed post-snip... Completely different. He could actually open his mouth wide, keep it open and latch on properly. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

Ten minutes post-snip. Looks pretty happy to me :)

A month later... already cultivating little chubby cheeks!

Afterwards 

Oh what a difference. I actually started to enjoy breastfeeding. It took a while to be completely pain free as my poor traumatised nipples had to heal but there was no new trauma to them. D started to put weight on properly. Our life was no longer a horrible cycle of feeding-crying-feeding-crying. And I continued breastfeeding until D was 13 months (here is my post about my thoughts when I finally stopped).

Look what I can do with my tongue now!!

Thanks mummy for fixing my feeding problems!

Breastfeeding got so easy we could do it anywhere - this was in the backseat of our hire car next to the Hoover Dam :)

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Summary 

D's main symptoms

- couldn't keep mouth open for long

- couldn't latch properly

- couldn't sustain a latch if we managed to get one

- poor weight gain

- green poop

- always hungry

My main symptoms

- pain, pain, pain

- compressed nipples after every feed

- vasospasm (you see them turn white)

- recurrent mastitis (because he wasn't managing to empty the breast properly)

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Bottom line

Do I think some midwives/health visitors are very quick to blame TT when actually the mum might just need more breastfeeding help?

Yes

Do I think there are lots of babies with mild TT who can feed fine and do not need anything doing and should not have problems blamed on their TT?

Yes

Do I think there are a small percentage of babies who do have problems latching and feeding related to TT?

Yes definitely 

Do I think this can be missed by health care professionals?

Yes (especially if it's posterior as that is much harder to spot)

Do I think all paediatricians and GPs should be experts in spotting/diagnosing TT?

No, not really. They have to be experts in pretty much everything else. But I would expect midwives or breastfeeding 'specialists' to be able to spot it and advise where to get help. Because of this my first port of call for help would be a lactation consultant, not a doctor (one of the few times you'll ever hear me say that!!)

So what should you do? If you are having the problems I had with D above then it is NOT NORMAL, it is NOT because you are a first time mum, it is NOT because "breastfeeding is supposed to hurt a bit" as my health visitor told me!! If you can afford it then see a private lactation consultant. The £200 I spent seeing one was probably the best money I have ever spent. And I more than recouped the cost by then exclusively breastfeeding until D was fully weaned :)

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If you want any information I'd recommend KELLY MOM  for brilliant, evidence-based information on everything related to breastfeeding.

Reasons I love the "Baby spa"

So after this blog post on childrenarewelcome was published there were lots of positive comments, but also several negative ones on Twitter from people who thought it looked "cruel" or "dangerous". Having taken both my children there (the youngest still goes) I don't think it is either and here are my top 5 reasons why I love it there :)

1. It saved my sanity

I first discovered the spa when Doof was 4 weeks old. In the first 4 weeks of his life we'd spent more time in hospital than at home (having had 3 separate admissions) and I was feeling rubbish. Breastfeeding was soooo hard (later I found out that was due to his then-undiagnosed posterior tongue tie) - more painful than labour and with every feed lasting over 30 minutes, and him wanting to feed every 2 hours. So it pretty much dominated my life, my thoughts, my whole day... He wasn't gaining weight and I was crying before each feed (in anticipation of the pain), during (because of the pain) and after (yep the pain continued for about 30 minutes afterwards!). And then I came to the Baby Spa. I can't pinpoint what exactly it was, but out of the unhurried environment, the quiet dimly-lit room where you could breastfeed before and after the swim/massage, the relaxing music playing, the other mothers you met going through the same things and the approachable knowledgeable staff, something right then and there during our first visit saved my sanity. And that is why I came back the second time. And then the third, and then kept coming back after that.

2. My babies enjoy it

Ok so Iz is a bit young to be able to tell me yet (although she doesn't cry which in my mind means it can't be bad!!) but when Doof used to go he was old enough you could tell. When we arrived in the front door and he recognised where we were he'd smile and laugh. When he was in the pool he would smile, swim over to say hi, then spin around and swim off to look at some toys.

Is this the face of a baby being subjected to intolerable cruelty?!

Sssshhh I'm enjoying my massage...

 

3. Anything that might help sleep is worth a try IMHO

Except cry-it-out. Or enforced feeding schedules... Parents have reported all sorts of benefits including less colic and better sleeping.With the possibility of these benefits on top of the other 4 reasons? Win win!!

This is priceless...

4. Relaxed mum = relaxed baby

There is no time pressure - if your baby is hungry and wants a feed when it's their appointment time then no problem, they will wait. If your baby gets hungry after the swim then no problem, you can sit and feed them before their massage. If your bus breaks down and then next one already has 2 buggies on so you have to wait for the 3rd one... (true story!) and so are really late for your appointment, no problem - they'll fit you in when you arrive. All this means that even though (sadly) as a grown up you don't get any of the spa treatments you still come away feeling relaxed and refreshed.

Arghhhhhh relaxed post massage

5. The staff are lovely

Finally I'm a firm believer that people make the experience and everyone at the Baby Spa is welcoming, friendly and genuinely caring, from the receptionist to all the spa "therapists". And I've never been anywhere where the owner is always there and so 'hands on'. Nothing is too much trouble for Laura to do for your baby. She genuinely cares for and about them.

 

Laura with Doof

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For me numbers 1 and 2 are the most important. Any extra health benefits are great but my sanity and my baby's happiness is what it's all about (in my opinion anyway!) :)

What Iz loved - August 2014

Here is what Iz loved this month…

1 - Getting *out* of her first bath

2 - Sleeping

3 - Her first car ride

4 - Being born

5 - Doing a naked and not-so-naked photoshoot

6 - Meeting her big brother

7 - Post boob cuddles

You can see what her brother liked doing here :)

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If you want to do your own "What baby/toddler loved" then link up with Rachel @dinkythinks - you can see her latest post here :)

DIY newborn photoshoot - part 2

So since my last post (DIY newborn photoshoot) I found our portable heater and so thought I may as well try the whole naked-baby-photoshoot while Iz was still little.

So here are some shots. What do you think? Is a naked baby a lot more cute than a dressed one or not? I do like the way that she is awake in some of these pics. I'd love to hear what you think in the comments section :)

 

And yes, for those of you who are wondering... there was wee and poop everywhere :(

DIY newborn photo shoot

I'll start off saying I am not a professional photographer at all, I'm just an amateur who enjoys taking pictures, especially of my babies :)

When Doof was born I spent the first few weeks in a hazy fog of endless feeds, no sleep and general first-time-mum-trying-to-make-sense-of-it-all. Sure I took lots of pictures but 99% were on my iPhone - nice but nothing special.

Photos from Doof's first week - lovely memories but not exactly technically great!

Since then we got a DSLR and so this time round I decided to try and take some better quality photos...

There is loads of information available online - I read this blog which had some really useful tips (but was a bit more serious/involved than I was planning to be):

HERE is the first in a 5 part series 

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Equipment and timings:

-         selection of 'backdrops' (dark blue towels, white embroidered bedspread, patterned giant muslins)

-         blankets & muslins

-         hats and cuddly animals that Is had been given as presents

-         beanbag

-         chairs (to hang backdrops off)

Not exactly high tech equipment!

I used a DSLR camera with a 50mm lens (so I mainly played around with the depth of focus). Most of the pictures I took in the evening - definitely not the best time if day light-wise but definitely the best if you have an active toddler running around the rest of the time!! So because of this I used a flash but with a diffuser so the light wasn't too bleaching.

The advantage of taking the pictures myself was (cost aside obviously!) I took the photos over several days - just doing 10-15 minutes of prep and shooting a day, dependent on when she was at her most sleepy.

Shots:

So below are some examples of shots I took, with various props, backdrops and coverings. 

Positions

The main poses Is did were on her tummy and side-lying. She didn't really want to do any others and I wanted natural looking pictures and definitely didn't want to force her into any positions she didn't want to be in. 

Prone and side-lying positions on a variety of backgrounds/drops

Angles

Think about shooting from different angles. I just experimented and tried lots of different views. Some looked good, others not so much. That's the joy of a digital camera - you can just delete the shots you don't like!

She was in the same position but I just moved around her

The top and bottom pics were taken without moving her position, whereas the middle one was taken after I repositioned post-feed

Props

You don't need to go crazy buying props etc. I just had a rummage around and used things we already had at home. two of the hats were knitted by a friend (one for Doof and one for Is) and the other came from Baby Gap. The two cuddly animals had been given to Is as presents so I thought it would be nice to include them in some pictures. 

Modelling Baby Gap hat

Her new monkey is about the same size as her!

Cuddling her rabbit - a bit more classy than Doof's collection of muslins!

Focus

Play around with different areas of focus. It's really easy on a DSLR to change the focus depth so just have fun seeing what looks good.

In the top pic the focus is on her hands, whereas in the bottom one it is on her face

Details

Make sure to get some detail shots too. Their hands and feet don't stay this tiny for long! And these shots can look beautiful in black and white so try converting some.

Clothing vs nakedness

Even though all the professionals like babies to be naked I didn't strip Is off for several reasons:

- our house isn't warm enough and I couldn't find the portable heater

- it took away the spontaneity of taking the photos as if she fell asleep after a feed, she would definitely have woken up if I faffed around trying to undress her

- poop and wee would have been guaranteed to end up everywhere

But the bottom line is I don't think babies need to be naked to get cute photos. Sure, put them in an outfit you like, but I think naked pictures can look a bit forced whereas clothed ones look a bit more natural.

Extra special things

Think about anything very precious you have which you might want to include. Is' granny died a few weeks before she was born and so sadly never got to meet her. So I included one of her bracelets in some shots and was really pleased with the result.

"Different" shots

 

And lastly, not every photo needs to be of a peaceful sleeping baby. I took this one just as she woke up (just before I stopped shooting and fed her!). I think it is quite sweet :)

She only cried for a second but I managed to capture it!

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So there it is - Is' first photo shoot :) although the pics definitely aren't professional-standard I'm really pleased with how they turned out. The only shame is it's impossible to have yourself in the pictures too.

I'd love to hear any other tips people have or if you try doing this at home yourself :)

EDIT:
We did do a naked photoshoot in the end too - you can see the photos here :)